


i wanna sing, i wanna shout (i’m not afraid)

by sond_sie



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M, Photography, and josh is perfect like always, tyler is a sad bean who enlists jenna's help to be a happy bean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:10:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8555098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sond_sie/pseuds/sond_sie
Summary: "josh smiles so brightly, his eyes crinkling adorably at the touch and it hits tyler suddenly that he wants josh to feel like this permanently. he wants to be able to see that radiant smile all the time, not just the few times he dares to touch josh in public." (tyler decides that he wants to come out, but he needs jenna's help. she offers to take photos of him and his boyfriend josh for her art class as a way for him to reveal who he really is.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this instead of studying for my exam tomorrow and i couldn't be more proud of myself hope u like it 
> 
> title from emeli sandé's read all about it

tyler glances back up at the clock for the 10th time in a minute, tapping his fingers restlessly against the desk. it feels as if this math lesson has been dragging on far longer than its designated hour and a half, and tyler is ready to go. his thoughts drift back to his boyfriend, josh, who he’s seeing after school for the first time in two weeks. between school, avoiding tyler’s parents and work, they struggle to find time to spend together. he’s startled out of his thoughts by the ringing of the final bell, and he hastily shoves his folder into his backpack before shouldering it and rushing out of the room. he walks quickly across the campus and out the front gate, grinning when he spots josh’s beat up car parked down the road.

“hey babe,” is the first thing he hears as he pulls the passenger door open and settles inside. “i missed you.” tyler sighs, his gaze meeting with josh’s, with soft brown eyes that had become a second home.

“i missed you too, so much.” he reaches across the console and grips josh’s free hand while he pulls out and starts driving down the road. their conversation flows easily like it always has, ever since the first time they met over two years ago. tyler had been a stuttering mess during his first time in the local music store where josh was doing his first shift. josh’s calming nature captivated him from day one. before long they reach their destination and josh pulls into the car park across from the cinema to find a free space. as he turns the car off tyler gently grasps the back of his neck and pulls him closer, closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to the older boy’s. josh sighs happily, eyes slipping shut and pushing back, tongue tracing tyler’s lips. tyler opens his mouth as the kiss deepens, a thrill running through his body when he remembers where they are. it isn’t very often that they show affection in public, scared of someone they know seeing them. they pull apart and josh blushes lightly.

“what was that for?”

“‘cause you’re cute,” tyler smirks and hops out of the car, josh following after taking a moment to collect himself. in the cinema they decide on the most recent action-packed thriller as the other option was the minions. which, no. tyler was not going to put himself through that kind of pain. he circles his arm around josh’s waist, pulling him closer. josh smiles so brightly, his eyes crinkling adorably at the touch and it hits tyler suddenly that he wants josh to feel like this permanently. he wants to be able to see that radiant smile all the time, not just the few times he dares to touch josh in public.

~

josh drops tyler off a few houses down from his own, as they usually do. he pecks him goodbye with the promise of meeting up again soon and tyler smiles faintly before walking back to his house, feeling better than he had in a while. he unlocks his front door and pushes it open, trying to make it to his room upstairs before facing his parents. it seems luck is not on his side.

“tyler! where have you been for so long?” tyler grimaces at the loud voice of his father coming from the kitchen. tyler makes his way towards him and finds his mom sitting at the dining table. he doesn’t notice the double take she does when she sees tyler enter, looking much happier than he has in days. tyler tries to think of something but the image of josh’s smile hits him and he decides not to lie today.

“i was out with my friend josh… the one who works at the music store?” his dad waves his hand dismissively, the information apparently not important.

“you should have been here an hour ago to do your hoops. you need to focus on what’s important. go!” he points at the door leading to their backyard, conversation over. the small hope that had been rising in tyler that he could do it and just tell them dies when he looks at his father’s wide stance and disapproving eyes. his mother stays silent, but her eyes are calculating, not angry. judging by the way her son had looked when she first saw him she thinks he _was_ doing something important.

~

the following saturday tyler’s best friend jenna comes over to his house to study. tyler’s dad opens the front door and greets her warmly. she knows that chris has always thought that her and tyler would end up together. she notices the not so subtle approving glance he gives her as she climbs the stairs to tyler’s room. she finds tyler lying on his bed with his books open.

“hey jen, you ready to die?” he deadpans and she groans, slumping to the floor and leaning back against his bed.

“you bet i am,” she replies just as unenthusiastically, pulling out her maths book.

after a couple of solid hours consisting of only minimal complaining they decide that they deserve a break. jenna stands up and stretches a bit before lying down next to tyler, arms and legs brushing in order to fit on his single bed. tyler sighs deeply beside her, sounding troubled.

“what’s up?” she glances sideways but she can only really see the outline of his eyelashes so she returns to staring at the ceiling.

“i want to come out,” tyler states. jenna blinks, silent. “like, as gay.” he adds, in case she didn’t understand. shocked, jenna leans up on her elbow and looks down at tyler, who doesn’t meet her gaze. he’s afraid her piercing blue eyes are filled with disgust, even after all the time they’d spent together.

“hey, look at me,” jenna says softly, and tyler turns his head to find her looking at him full of concern. she knows how hard it would be for tyler to tell his parents, and how scared he is of people’s reactions at school. “how come?” she asks. tyler fights the lump rising in his throat, sitting up and sitting cross-legged to face his friend.

“everything makes me so unhappy, jen.” his voice breaks on her name and he begins to cry. “the only time i ever feel truly happy is when i’m with josh - at least with him i get to be myself. i don’t even like playing basketball and i’m the captain! all i ever do is try and please my parents and it’s- it’s all so fake. they’re pushing me to go to college and play basketball and i know it isn’t what i want.” he looks jenna in the eyes, tears blurring his vision. “i love music. it’s the only thing i enjoy at school and i know i want to do it forever. and i love josh, and i’m hurting him and it has finally hit me that i really _fucking_  hate it and-“

he snaps at the rubber band on his wrist and blinks, surprised by his sudden outburst. he begins to wipe his eyes and jenna moves closer, rubbing a hand up and down his back. tyler is unaware how much what he just said had resonated with her, and an idea is slowly taking shape in her mind. she decides to share it with tyler, desperate to be able to help him in some way.

quietly she speaks up, “i have an idea ty.” she keeps a comforting hand on his back and he looks up, breathing more steady now. “well, in my art class we’ve been handed our first major assessment and my topic is facades and how they effect people. i’ve been looking for someone to photograph and now that i think about it you would be the perfect fit. we could use it as a way to show everyone who you really are, and i’d be there with you every step of the way. it isn’t due for just over 2 months yet so there’s heaps of time to plan it. what do you think?” tyler looks thoughtful, mulling the idea over in his head. the image of him and josh being free to hang out wherever and whenever they want with no fear of being caught propels him to say what he does next.

“okay.”

~

after jenna’s next art lesson she hands tyler a tentative plan of what she wants to capture. 10 images.

“if you agree to this we can get started soon,” she smiles at him hopefully and he nods distractedly, reading what’s on the paper. he stops at josh’s name, remembering just what these photos would be revealing about him. but then he thinks again about the feeling he would have singing for people and sharing his music or holding josh’s hand in public - and he approves.

~

_1\. homecoming_

tyler, josh and jenna are out at taco bell having lunch that weekend when jenna mentions that she has to go pick up her dress from the seamstress for homecoming. josh immediately averts his eyes and begins fiddling with the wrapper from his burrito. jenna looks at tyler, who is seated next to josh, and sees that he looks just as guilty as she feels.

“are you okay? you know i don’t have to go-“ tyler begins but josh grabs his wrist and gives him a reassuring smile.

“yeah. i’m fine with you guys going together,” tyler glances around quickly before ducking in and kissing josh swiftly. josh’s cheeks are tinted red as he smiles, and tyler feels slightly better. he hasn’t told him about his and jenna’s plan yet.

they’re taking the customary couples photo at homecoming, jenna settling herself firmly at tyler’s side. she smiles brightly and wraps an arm around tyler’s middle, but he is thinking of someone else. he imagines having his arm around josh, admiring his bright blue hair. he slings an arm around jenna’s shoulders and tries to look like he wants to be there.

when jenna looks at the photo online the next day she finds it devastating, tyler’s blank stare saying more than his words ever could. suddenly she realises how perfect it would suit the project, and finds she has her first photo. sure, she didn’t take it, but the message behind it is exactly what she is aiming for. and she’ll be editing it anyway, she convinces herself.

~

_2\. masked_

halloween quickly approaches after homecoming, and so does tyler and jenna’s first real photo opportunity. jenna’s dressed as regina george (she thanks her blonde hair for getting her the best character) in preparation for meeting up with 3 other friends later in the night. tyler is dressed in all black, a mask over his face with holes for his mouth and eyes cut out. jenna explained the idea to tyler the night before and he loved it. he found the concept that the mask appears as a costume on halloween intriguing, as jenna said he is always wearing one, whether or not people can see it or not. tyler sometimes found it amazing how well jenna understood him.

in the evening light tyler stands alone, facing jenna while hoards of people surround him on the crowded street. she fiddles with the camera to focus it on tyler and snaps a few photos. after a few minutes she seems satisfied, and they have photo number two.

~

_3\. basketball_

early november means the beginning of basketball tryouts. tyler had already been chosen as captain at the end of last season and he had a sneaking suspicion his dad had something to do with it as he is the coach. during the second wave of tryouts schools put their teams up to play each other to solidify positions, and although the games aren’t counted towards the season the rivalries are still intense and everyone wants to win. jenna has come to one of the games, claiming to tyler’s dad that she’s there to support him and take photos for the school newsletter. he seems dubious at the idea, believing that he would have been told if the team was being photographed. jenna hastily excuses herself to stand closer to the sideline. the game is incredibly close, and the players and coaches are fired up; desperate for their teams to win and prove that they’re the best going into the season. jenna pretends to take photos of the team, but really she is only watching tyler. with ten seconds to go the team is behind by one point and in sheer panic a player pushes tyler over as he attempts to hit one last shot for the win. tyler grunts as he hits the ground, glaring daggers at the culprit who looks terrified. a foul is called and tyler takes his place at the free throw line.

jenna moves into position to take the perfect shot of tyler as he shoots. he sinks the first one easily, the swoosh of the basket almost silent. the scores are even. if he can make the second free throw the team wins by one point. jenna feels nervous as she watches her best friend stare at the hoop. jenna takes a photo right as tyler makes the second shot, the team erupting into wild cheers. but, tyler is expressionless. he finds no joy or excitement in the game and can make the shots simply from muscle memory. jenna has photo number three.

chris offers to drive jenna home and she accepts gladly, not wanting to face the chill winds of november. he looks happy as they pull out of the staff car park and grins over at his son in the passenger seat.

“do you guys want dinner? we can even go to taco bell - my treat!” he looks expectantly at tyler, who shifts his gaze out the window.

“uh, no thanks dad. i’m not very hungry.” he mutters quietly, and jenna hears the distinct _snap_ of the rubber band on his wrist. she frowns and agrees with her friend. chris falters, looking at his son with concern and sensing his discomfort. he too frowns, but lets it go this time.

~

_4\. rubber band_

tyler’s had a bad day. his dad has been increasing basketball practices on top of shooting his hoops at home. it makes him tired, so he isn’t able to get an a on his last maths test. he also really misses josh, who couldn’t even talk to him earlier when tyler called. the snapping of the band on his wrist during the day has been constant, keeping him grounded. sometimes he thinks he relies on it too much but he can't bear to take it off. he spots jenna across the cafeteria, snapping the band on his wrist again. her camera is around her neck and she makes her way over. when she sits down to eat she stares at the harsh red marks around the little band and that’s when tyler realises. it had been one of the photos jenna had on the plan. tyler didn’t even know she had noticed his habit. he meets her piercing blue eyes.

“take the photo.” jenna reaches across and gently positions his hand to look better in the lighting provided by the room. she fiddles for a bit until he hears the click of the shutter, and they have photo number four. jenna puts the camera down and grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers for the rest of lunch period.

~

_5\. blurryface_

tyler and jenna are back at his house, sitting on the bed facing each other. they're at the last sad photo that needs to be taken, and the project is due in 3 weeks.

“i know this one is tough of me to ask, ty, i just need to know if you’re still okay with it,” she searches his eyes, looking for any hesitation or discomfort.

“i am,” tyler reaffirms and closes his eyes. jenna understands this as tyler preparing for the photo. jenna was right, this was probably the hardest photo they had to take, but he knew he could do it if he just let the thoughts he tried his hardest to block out take over. he opens his eyes and stares out his window at the basketball hoop his dad made for him.

he was such a disappointment. his parents were going to hate him when he told them he wanted to do music, they’d probably kick him out. tyler feels the familiar stinging sensation in his throat as he imagines the look on their faces. he also thinks about his music and how strange it is and how nobody was going to like it and he’d ruined his whole life to do it and people were only going to laugh at him -

he sobs. the tears run freely down his cheeks and it hurts. he knows that doing this with jenna is the start of something amazing for him, but right now it all seems impossible that his life will get any better. he cries harder until he feels a soft hand grasp his arm and he reopens his eyes, his vision blurry as it tries to focus on the camera in front of him. the camera. he understands that jenna needs to take the photo so he tells her to go ahead. jenna quickly adjusts the settings until they focus just right on tyler’s red rimmed eyes and the tear tracks down his cheeks. she snaps a photo and views it, seemingly pleased. she rushes to put her camera down and pulls tyler into her warm body, wrapping her arms around his shaking frame. they had their fifth photo. the sudden movement of tyler’s door swinging open pulls them apart and tyler looks at the intruder, his dad, shocked and embarrassed. chris’ eyes soften when he sees the state that his son is in and he moves further into the room. ever since the basketball game tyler had won on his own, chris had been noticing more and more about how unhappy his son seemed. the last time he remembered his son being actually happy was weeks ago when he yelled at him for being late.

“what’s wrong?” he asks gently, moving to put a hand on tyler’s shoulder. his son looks uncomfortable so he hastily removes it.

“it’s nothing, just stress. don’t worry about me,” tyler’s voice is weak and he looks as if he’d rather be anywhere than in his own room with his father.

“of course i worry about you tyler, you’re my son. i’ll leave you be but you can talk to me about anything, okay buddy? your mom and i love you very much,” he awkwardly pats tyler’s shoulder again and turns to leave the room, tyler staring at his back in astonishment.

~

_6\. writing_

the sixth photo comes easily during one of the times they simply hang out, taking a break from homework. sometimes they prefer to just be in each other’s presence as they do their own thing. jenna is editing some of their photos on her laptop as tyler sits at his desk writing. she doesn't know if its lyrics or poetry or both, but she can tell he's extremely passionate about whatever it is. he's leaning over the desk, brow furrowed as he focuses on finding the right words. jenna quietly unhooks her camera from the laptop and gets into a position to capture tyler at work. he doesn’t even look up at the sound of the shutter.

~

_7\. church_

tyler and jenna’s families have always attended the same church. the day of the school art exhibition where jenna would be presenting her photos is nearing, and tyler is trying to come to terms with what that meant for him. he hangs back after the service, gathering his thoughts. his family had always been super religious and made him go to church every sunday but he really did enjoy it. they’d never been into the extreme stuff that he’d heard other priests like to preach like ‘all gays are going to hell.’ they’d taught him that god loved all his children, and thats what he believed in. he takes a moment to say a prayer of thankfulness, feeling unusually calm. he doesn’t hear jenna as she approaches with the camera that basically lives around her neck now. he does hear the faint click of number seven being taken, and goes to smile at jenna when he opens his eyes but finds that he already is.

~

_8\. josh_

finally, the day comes. he feels like its been years since he’s seen josh last but really its only been since just before homecoming. after an emotional reunion that consists of tyler climbing over the console into josh’s lap and kissing him breathless, they set out to meet with jenna at the park. they're having a birthday celebration for tyler a couple days late. tyler and josh exit the car and head towards the tree where jenna chose to set up the picnic blanket and food, which was really just a bunch of candy (not that tyler was complaining). after their tummies are full and the sugar rush has burned off they sit in a small circle talking.

“guys can you believe it’s christmas? this is the best time of the year!” josh exclaims and the other two laugh.

“it’s not quite christmas yet love,” tyler replies but watches josh fondly, his now pink hair peeking out of his grey beanie.

“i know but it’s my favourite holiday. i think it always will be. i can’t wait to buy presents for our kids and all the food-“ josh breaks off, his brain finally catching up to his mouth. he peeks at tyler to gauge his reaction but his boyfriend is beaming. josh leans in and kisses his cheek, smiling too. jenna somehow snaps a photo of the moment and almost squeals at how perfect it looks with the fading fall leaves in the background and tyler’s unbelievably happy face. photo number eight really falls into her lap, just like tyler and josh do soon after for an impromptu group hug.

~

_9\. music_

the basement of the dun’s house is where they had set up tyler’s keyboard, right next to josh’s drums almost a year ago, and it is where jenna finds herself one week before her first art project is due. they invited her over to a jam session so she could take one of the last photos of tyler really being himself. halfway through a song jenna gathers as ‘trees’ she feels that the moment is just right. she takes a photo of tyler, eyes closed, immersed in the music. josh is drumming in the background, supporting tyler the way he always has. she also hopes that this is what tyler does for the rest of his life, as she inspects photo number nine.

~

_10\. no more hiding_

for the first time, josh comes over to tyler’s house to hang out. his dad is away on an overnight business trip, so tyler takes the chance to ask his mom if his friend can come over.

“of course!” she grins at her son with a small feeling that she knows the boy who is coming over means more to tyler than just a friend. mothers always know.

there is only 4 days until the art exhibition and there is one photo left to take, but it means tyler finally has to tell josh about the whole thing. he smiles over at his boyfriend who is leaning against his headboard.

“so uh, there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you for a while,” he starts, and josh gives him a reassuring look so he continues. “i want to come out, and i actually have it all planned out already and i just need your help with one last thing.” josh gasps at the news; he never expected tyler to tell his parents about his sexuality, let alone so soon. he’s ecstatic.

“are you serious? that’s amazing tyler!” he pushes off the bed and throws his arms around tyler’s waist holding him tightly. “i’m so proud of you,” he whispers. tyler’s arms circle josh’s neck and he lays his head against his shoulder.

“i love you,” he whispers into the soft skin, pressing a kiss there shortly after. josh strokes the back of tyler’s head, never tiring of hearing those words come from his boyfriend’s mouth.

“i love you too,” he replies, pulling back to press his lips to tyler’s tenderly. when they separate he asks, “what is it you need me to do?” they sit and tyler explains jenna’s art project and josh’s eyes light up when tyler says that he feels happiest when he’s with him. tyler rings jenna and tells her to come over so they can take number ten.

~

the day of the exhibition arrives and tyler helps jenna pin her photos up in the designated spot, which is temporarily hidden from sight. he looks nervously at the large print of his tear streaked face, printed in black and white. most of the photos of his ‘before’ are monochrome apart from the red around his wrist which has been highlighted. the ‘after’ ones are vibrant and energetic and tyler’s favourite aspect of them is the way josh’s hair stands out. everyone who comes to the exhibition is going to see him and josh _together._ it both frightens and excites him.

“hey ty what are you going to do about your parents? the word will probably go around school pretty quick…” he knows what she’s suggesting, that someones parents will ring up his own and demand to know what’s happening like it’s their business. he sighs.

“i’m going to tell them after school today. looking at these, i know i’m finally ready.” jenna hugs him and wishes him the best of luck.

the time comes sooner than he expects. fortunately when he comes straight home from school his parents are both there. it’s now or never. they’re both sitting at the dining table near the kitchen and he sits down in a chair across from them.

“tyler?” his dad watches him expectantly. he takes a deep breath.

“i’ve been thinking a lot recently, about my future and stuff. about who i want to be.” he steadies his breathing, and focuses his eyes on the flowers in front of him. “and there’s something i really have to tell you about me. i’m… gay. i like boys the way i should like girls and i’m finally becoming comfortable with it so i thought i should tell you because i love you and i hope you can still love me…” he trails off, unsure of how they’re going to react. his mom stands abruptly and rushes around to his side of the table. for a brief terrifying second he’s afraid she’s going to yell or hit him but she pulls him to his feet and into a bone-crushing hug.

“of course i still love you my baby boy,” she whispers and lets him go. he chances a look at his father who is stoic, staring anywhere that isn’t at tyler. tyler looks back to his mom.

“i really have to go to an art exhibition at school for jenna. actually, her art is about me and about - this.” he gestures at himself and his parents. “you should come,” he says as he looks back at his dad, swallowing loudly. he turns around and leaves, waiting to get picked up by josh a block away.

~

as they park at the school tyler takes a few deep breaths, having just explained the whole conversation to josh. he feels a bit overwhelmed by it all, but underneath it he can feel something wonderful. _relief._ he’s about to finally reveal to everyone what he really loves, and who he really loves. when tyler exits the car he walks to josh’s side and throws an arm around his shoulders before they enter the school. josh is wearing ripped jeans and a backwards snapback, a look that tyler fell for years ago.

“you ready?” josh asks him and tyler grins, pushing open the door to the student centre where the art is displayed. when they enter people seem to recognise them, some looking apprehensive. tyler really doesn’t care about what they think and tries to ignore his rapidly beating heart and the memory of his dad’s face. josh is here beside him, at his school, and he’s finally happy and _free._ he tightens his hold around josh’s neck and guides him towards where jenna’s photos are up. he sees jenna talking to some parents and she excuses herself politely to approach him. tyler untangles himself from josh to embrace her.

“thank you, jen. i can never thank you enough for this.” she smiles tearfully at him and they both laugh, josh watching affectionately. she tells him she loves him and leaves them to check out what her peers have created.

tyler once again wraps an arm around josh, his waist this time. he follows josh’s eyes as they inspect the images and as they harden at the ones of tyler’s wrist and his tears. but then they move to the colourful half, the ones that reveal tyler as a passionate creator, something that josh has always wanted to share with anyone who would listen. and the ones of himself. he watches as josh blushes lightly, but his eyes sparkle as he takes in tyler’s bright smile. the boys move on to look over the last photo, but they don’t see as tyler’s father enters the centre and moves to stand behind them.

this photo was one that was specifically set up, similar to the other image containing a mask. but in this one, tyler isn’t wearing the mask. it’s been dropped carelessly, seen lying on the pavement as tyler and josh walk away from it, their backs towards the camera. their hands are clasped and it appears that they’re walking into light…into promise and happiness. they’re smiling at each other, heads turned. chris takes in all these details, unseen, and all the other images, the basketball one particularly catching his eye. the guilt that had been building up over the past few weeks hits a peak as he feels like he sees his son for the first time and really understands him. he watches as the real life couple smile warmly at each other, lost in their own world. tyler moves his other arm around josh’s waist and pulls him in, closing the gap between them and kissing him lightly. they pull back after a few seconds and chris decides to approach them. he clears his throat.

“hi, ty.” the boys spring apart and tyler looks up at his father nervously. chris moves his gaze over to his son’s…partner? he reaches out a hand. “my name’s chris joseph, nice to meet you…?”

josh jumps slightly in surprise before shaking the older man’s hand. “josh.”

~

“so my next project is on love…you guys up for it?” tyler and josh laugh at jenna’s question because heck yeah, they have nothing to hide.

**Author's Note:**

> i know nothing about photography and art pls don't hurt me


End file.
